Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Fraud

You wanna know what fuckin' grinds my gear?
Fake people.
Fake people really grinds the gears of my hating machine.
You're a fraud. And you. And you. And YOU. AND YOU. AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU.

Do you know why I have such a high turnover of friends? Because after detecting hypocrisy and cockiness with zero self-awareness, I become irritated by the person. Most people do not reflect on themselves. And I am not in the business of serving reality checks.

Why do you bother to pretend to be friends and say things you don't mean? You really needn't say that. My cup floweth over with piss. I don't want your piss, even if you're famous. Drop the act, homeboy. You are not down-to-earth for sporadically talking to me. You are not humble for being friends and following me on social media despite your celebrity status.

So God help you if you think your current social circle genuinely cares for you and are not only with you because of your fame. So God help you in your times of loneliness and identity crises. So God help you in your moments of weakness because I am not Jesus and your friends are not your disciples.

In my return I have learned who loves me and who I should love.

I am in awe of the people who profess love and loyalty without a moment's hesitation because they are always the ones who does nothing to show for it. You are what you are and you should know it. Do not ever use the excuse of time on me, do not ever expect me to go out of my way for you, do not do, I do not do.

This visitation has mangled my direction. I never wanted to come back. I hated the country. I hate everything about it in my desperate need of escape. I had to get out. Now I want back in, but not in the same place.

I hated being an alien. I was bitter from having my childhood broken in two. It made me complex and interesting. It made me a fascinating story. A detail I did not care for and would have rather it not be. Never did I expect that I'd love being here again from an existing history and connections.

All this time I was thinking, "Life or death?" but now it's become "here or there?"

God, is this You saving me again?

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