I am not used to it. I've given up on this course. I don't even need this credit. I'm only taking it to prep me for the Grade 11 sciences I'm taking next year. I haven't handed in my homework for the past week. It doesn't seem relevant to me anymore. I'll just read the textbook, it's all I need. Not that I disrespect the teacher, I tell her in an honest tone, "Just give me a zero." for my assignments. I wonder why I suddenly feel so unmotivated and low. BUT I STILL LOVE SCIENCE, HOWEVER :D
I'm very relieved that I'm not alone in this age-difference academically. I have a friend who's half-Russian and half-Persian and is going through the same credit issues that I am. I took Grade 10 math while he took Grade 10 English as we both felt scared in jumping into the next university stream grade. We wanted to be prepared and not be behind in class or ignorant of any information that was expected of us. He's graduating at 20, I will also be graduating at 20. Most of my school-mates cringe when I tell them my situation. But a few wiser ones have said that it's a small price to pay, to be only a couple of years behind, to get where you want to be. An older church-mate who's 27 told me that working isn't all that fun, so don't get excited to start early. From what I've heard all around, I've concluded the main theme is "study for as long as you can".
It is encouraging to hear these comforting and understanding words. What am I rushing for? (I'm honestly assessing my ambitions, it's not rhetorical.) Oh, I know, to be normal. There will always be that feeling of awkwardness and exclusion knowing that you are older, or worse, the oldest in the class. The different maturity levels also makes it harder for me to socialize. I do behave childishly with more-familiar acquaintances but in terms of normal communication and actions--actually... nah, there are idiots in every batch of students. But the scary part is the increasing number of illiterate, rude, and ADHD-like students. Seriously, almost every high school student either has some clinical mental disorder/disease, is overweight or allergic to peanuts. WHY CAN'T I EAT A PEANUT BUTTER-JELLY SANDWICH IN SCHOOL? WHY AREN'T THERE VACCINATIONS AND CURES FOR ALLERGIES?! WHY DON'T PEANUT UM, ALLERGICS OR WHATEVER PEOPLE WHO ARE ALLERGIC TO SOMETHING ARE CALLED, GO LIVE IN AN ISOLATED ALLERGY COMMUNITY LIKE HOW THE LEPERS DID IN THE BIBLE?
I've procrastinated for two hours. It's 2am I really should study now.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4