Wednesday, September 22, 2010

For this moment

Ah, I woke up at noon time and climbed down the stairs to the living room to find roti canai on the table when I asked for french toast from Old Town White Coffee. "Not again," I thought. Ever since my Mom left to India, I had to depend on her messed up, unreliable, Indian boyfriend for my weekly allowances and food. When I asked for a Subway sandwich, he got me a Ramly burger and I asked for curry noodles, he got me some plain noodles flavored with soya sauce. Forgot what it's called, it the noodle they use for pork noodles.

So I'm like f@#$, don't f#$%ing ask me for what I want for breakfast or dinner when you're NOT gonna buy what I told you. Just buy whatever crap food you like and expect me to eat it and complain to my mom when I don't.

Trying to be positive, I told myself that I haven't eaten roti canai in a while and I actually liked the dahl sauce. I dipped some expired brown bread in it too. I slowly walked to the kitchen to throw away the wrap and the plastic bag and then thought about what to do for the rest of the day. Whether I should study or check my Facebook first. I suddenly snapped out of my comatose (because of the energy from my breakfast) and the remembrance of my conversation with my aunt yesterday night made me furious.

I called my dad in the afternoon on Monday to inform him that Mom had already written up the release letter so he was "free" to do what he had to do. Actually, the release letter wasn't even needed because despite my mom having full custody of me, she permitted my dad and I to contact/visit/communicate with each other. However, my dad insisted on a release letter to prevent whatever legal charges that my Mom might use. I was well aware I was between their petty, unfinished business and I was aggravated because it wasn't supposed to be about them.

As adults, you two should act like one. So stop taking pot shots at each other through me and wasting my precious young life. Yes, I know I sound very selfish but time is of the essence, and they have wasted half their lives with each other in marriage and are still bitching about each other after the divorce. I am not gonna let them do the same to me. I will not allow them to waste my life, so it is crucial for me to be away from them. I no longer care about their affairs, a cousin told me before, "Let the adults handle the adult matters." Yes, a very Chinese proverb and Chinese do not listen to the younger ones.

It was good she told me that, for far too long I've cared and advised my Mom. She didn't listen and the things I foretold happened. I'm not saying I'm some prophet, psychic or Feng Shui master, I used my common sense. My mom had too much ego to admit she was wrong and what I told her before was right and I didn't want to rub it in her face with a I-TOLD-YOU-SO attitude because I put myself in her shoes and took into consideration of how she was feeling about the divorce even though she didn't show it.

The only thing I hated was how she always blamed everyone else. Whenever she was on a fault-finding spree, I was tempted to give her a harsh reality check. When I did, she'd go further into denial. I can't be around my mother anymore, it sounds dramatic I know, but I do not want to be like her. Therefore, I can't be with her too often to be influenced by her. She's emotional, illogical and fickle-minded. GAHHH, these qualities makes tolerating her very hard, obviously. Things you'd likely think about from living with such person (you're dependent on) for a long period of time: Kill him/her, call a therapist or buy self-help books for him/her, adoption, suicide, pray for divine intervention.

Alas, I'm being rescued by my aunt. Her unwavering support and encouragement has made me teared because my uncle in Kluang once wanted to help me as well but backed out in the end. If only you knew how serious this was. I know every family has their own problems but I believe some are more critical. I'm really grateful to my aunt for doing all she can to bring me back home.

What made me so angry was that after weeks of hiding it from me, it turned out that my dad could not afford to pay for my ticket. I was like, "WHAT? He hasn't supported a family for so many years, he must have saved a substantial amount." My aunt explained that he was having some minor health problems and treatments in Malaysia were expensive. What health problems exactly? She wouldn't tell me, she told me to ask my dad myself. "He always had an ego, he never admitted he was poor or couldn't afford something. All he kept saying was 'I have made the arrangements, contact your gu-gu'."

The arrangement was my aunt paying first and that he would pay her back when he could. My aunt just started a business, she opened a Japanese restaurant and it's not going that great. I don't want my aunt to pay, I wanted either one of my parents to but since both are claiming they have no money. I'm left with no choice but to empty my bank account.

Haaa. You know when they say "don't spend it all at one place"? WELL, unfortunately for moi, I HAVE TO. I'm thankful that I've saved enough, an exact year's worth of savings from all my temp jobs. God blessed me with a lot of fair-paying work. Oh well, at least it'll save me the hassle of closing my account. I'll just withdraw the whole lump sum and voi la, problem solved.

Had my dad just said so, I would have bought the bloody ticket at the MATTA Fair, the best price I got was RM2896, if I remember correctly. The most hideous price I saw was on British Airways website, it was over ten grand. Now it's all up to me, I've called a travel agency and they said they'd get back to me. It's been 3 hours and I'm anxious. CAN YOU GUYS BE FASTER?! Just type into your little computer, find the best price you can for a one-way ticket and call me back. Simple! Yes, I'm impatient because this is urgent.

I'm searching for removalists now. I don't know which company to trust to ship my stuff over. Grrr, braaah, soo... much planning and packing that needs to be doneeee.

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