Friday, May 14, 2010

Oh my Godiva. It's just been... so long. Too long, I think, and it's so scary. The timing of it all and I'm having a struggle to accept what has happened. My family, my long, separated family. What the big fuss is about is actually, my aunt (dad's sister) added me on Facebook last night with a warped out name and I wondered who the hell he or she was but because our mutual friends were my cousins I decided to accept the request and the next thing I know *bam* she's my Gu Gu.

Yeaaah, that's her. If we crossed paths I wouldn't even have thought for ONE MOMENT that we could have known each other-at all. My aunt has gained so much weight, her face has changed. Besides, the last time I saw her was 9 years ago, when I was 8. Yet my memories are still so crystal clear, I remember nearly everything while I lived in Canada.

It's a pity I never learned enough there, to know more about my country and neighborhood. I can only remember buildings and streets but not the names of it. I feel like I've lost a huge part of my identity immigrating here. I feel like my childhood was incomplete, broken or interrupted halfway.

It was all ruined by (with no offence to all of you) Malaysia.

As I looked through the photos my cousin uploaded of my grandparents and other relatives. It was such a weird feeling, it made me very fearful. I was scared to remember them because my father's parents are now so old and my Yeye relies on so many medicine pills and health supplements to get by.

My Mama is the one in the middle, dressed in a maroon winter coat whilst my Yeye is at the far right, wearing gray gloves and a beanie.

I remember how in their old style, Chinese way they took care of me. I remember my Mama peeling the grape skin off because it was too bitter for me and my Yeye whistling through his teeth and showing off his biceps. I remember my Gugu making my brother and I wax and wipe her car clean and shiny.

I remember my Soksok(uncle/dad's brother) giving me candy out of his room which he had jars full of them inside, right in front of his messy bed which was a mattress on the floor. And his beautiful ex-girlfriend who drew me The Little Mermaid in her own cartoon way.

Recounting these memories is very much a relief. I haven't forgotten my past and background, I know where I'm from, I'll never forget my roots. I wish I could fly to Richmond and give all of them the tightest hug I've ever given in my life.

I don't want to lose them before getting to reconnect for the tiniest bit.

I don't like talking about my relatives. It's a sensitive topic to touch on, it's a very quiet and personal part of my life I hope that will be kept private. My family on the other hand, I find them a total joke. A bunch of freaks I'm unfortunately related to.

Gosh. It's so odd how all of this happened. Really, the way everything turned out. What a story.

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