Saturday, April 17, 2010

Grah-grah-ooh-AGAGAHHHH!!!

This is probably confidential and shouldn't be spoken to anyone else but if you don't know me yet, I'm a small-time complainer. You make me pissed and it's very likely I'll rant about it to a handful of people or simply blog about it to vent out my frustrations. Pretty harmless aren't I? Yes, yes, so let's begin.

I'm in a ministry in my church, the hair and make-up ministry. I decided to join a ministry since I've been in CHC for nearly 6 years and wasn't progressing in anyway. I loved cosmetics, every single time I bought a magazine I'd stare for minutes (people usually flip through them after a glance) at the models in advertisements of big brands, noticing every hue of color on their eyes. I started putting on make up at the age of 13, making up was fascinating to me and I wanted to look good in it.

So every time I passed by a pharmacy I would browse through the make-up section, grab leaflets teaching little make up tips and about their products. All of this made me decide to join the make up ministry. Little did I know of all the hurdles to come.

Last August, everyone was saying they urgently needed people to join ministries, especially choir and H&M. Yet when I came in, nothing much happened, no classes or anything for 6 months. I stood in the artiste room awkwardly, my observing period was over and I was supposed to start serving but nothing changed. I wasn't needed after all. Nobody bothered to teach me, I just stood there looking at how they applied foundation and eyeshadow on the female vocalists.

It wouldn't be surprising that my enthusiasm faded, right? I was excited and happy that I finally got myself in a ministry and now that I've landed myself in such a wonderful place, staleness was all I could see. After two months I finally made up someone, I was hesitant and insecure. Despite going for personal make up classes in a beauty academy, I didn't have the confidence to make up someone in front of others. It was pressuring and uncomfortable.

After the third time did I manage to make up a vocalist normally, without any doubtful looks or worried expressions that it was ugly. Our ministry leader changed to another church, leaving us leaderless for awhile and soon another one was assigned and things started to pick up pace. Hair and make up classes finally started to commence. Thus, we began to learn to equip ourselves better with the tools and rules of the beauty industry.

Ever since the ministry recruitment a month ago, we have 4 new members in the team. They're very "passionate" people and it's because of them that I'm one of the group of people accused of not putting enough effort into the ministry. As much as I'd like to say, "Look, there's no point in being eager when there's nothing for me to do." I can't because it's a bloody law that the problem always, ALWAYS lie in the members and never ever in the higher authority figures.

An example would be during the Easter services. We had dozens of people to make up, everything was topsy-turvy. There were a few times I would just sit on the sofa or chair lazing around because the other "passionate" make up artistes were so enthusiastic to tend to the needs of the actors. In my good common sense, you don't need four to five people crowding around ONE person to get the job done.

In that very sensible logic, I was accused of not being helpful. Gee, it's not like there were people who needed assistance and I chose to ignore them. I did make up people and I did serve them when no one else around. All I'm saying is that we don't need five restless little helpers in one room wasting their energy on such petty issues when all that was required was two.

I checked my Gmail an hour ago and read an e-mail written from a senior member in the make up ministry. I don't wanna expose the whole letter but I'll paste (!@#$ paste button not working so I had to type it all) a few relevant sentences to this post.

"Hi All,

... There is a lot of classes but I just saw some of you went for these classes only. We have put effort to teach you guys, why can't you put effort to learn too? We are not even collecting fees from you. It's free but you all still doesn't appreciate it. ..."

Wtf does "these classes only" mean? "These" wasn't referring to anything, you said nothing about it in the entire e-mail and I only missed one class because YOU didn't SMS me a number which I needed to get there. Appreciation. Must I kiss your feet every time I see you to show my appreciation? I thank you and pat your shoulders on how good the class was and yet it's not enough. IT'S NEVER ENOUGH TILL YOU RECEIVE RECOGNITION FOR IT ALL. That's all you care about, the credit, the praise and the applause from the crowd.

So many people people with selfish motives.
Don't give your bullshit speech about how it's all for the glory of God.

Just because I don't act hardworking or seem interested doesn't mean I'm not giving any effort. I put in effort all right, I need to trouble others to drive me to church 3 hours before service, I wake up in the wee hours of the morning for Emerge to reach Sunway Convention Center at 7AM, I bring a big paper bag to church every weekend to hold all of my make up and clothes because I need to stay over my friend's place to attend the class on Sunday afternoon.

You're pretty ignorant to me. I'm just really frustrated that others think I'm goofing around when it's all a waste of time. You wanted members and now that you've got them, you do nothing. We need direction or else we'll be so lost at what to do.

Gosh, I'm so sick of being blamed for something I didn't cause, captain obvious.

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