Saturday, July 11, 2009

The goodness of God.

Hullo. I find it funny how people pronounce GOD sometimes. In Asia Conference and Emerge Jill Lowe had a heavy 'r sound', making it sound like gourd. People with bad English say, "The Got is very the good." Believe me, I've heard it a few times.

I have a few close-call stories to tell. Needless to say, I'm saying it was God's protection. There was a needle on the bed, usually I would just slump down fast. This time, I slid my hand over the sheet to lazily lie down face forward but I felt something sharp. Uncovering the bed sheet a needle was protruding underneath it. ZOMG, it could of pierced my thighs.

My mind went nuts. "WHO THE HELL? WHAT THE... someone's trying to kill me." Acting like Sherlock Holmes I made a few theories, attached some reasons to the suspects and one of them is this guy who hates me a lot. Took a needle and poked one of his HIV friends and placed it under the bedsheet so it would poke me and make me have H-I-f-ing-V.

Evil in this world, evul.

This week, I was so broke. Left with only 10 ringgit to survive. After service I was going to eat sushi with Hannah and during service I was praying, "God, when am I gonna reap the harvest of my sowing?!" God is faithful, God is goooood. I received the school fees, little bit of my allowance and the money for my advertorial.

Using all of my advertorial's income and some of my allowance, I will FINALLY be able to fulfill my building fund. Yeah sure, I'm 4 months late but I'm dead determined on completing this promise I made to God. Blessings come in many ways, not just monetary. I'm thankful for my good health, current shelter and recent bondings with church friends.

I don't know what's been up with me lately. I think I'm developing mild depression. I would feel fine one moment and screw up my face the next second and feel like crying. Mood swings? That would be a freaky mood. Googling information on mild depression, I do see what is causing it and how I can treat it. I've been sleeping late, LATE nights. So late you would consider it early, if you get what I mean. I don't exercise. I'm upset that I can't concentrate on my studies and it frustrates me.

I'm worried about the future, my health, my situation. There doesn't seem to be any solution. I wanna sleep early but it's hard to drift off to sleep and I waste time rolling around the bed for hours. Sometimes I have thoughts of cutting myself, like for fun? I know it's totally not cool not something I would do in my normal mind. Just weird that I'm thinking about self-mutilation.

Nothing serious, no worries. Just got to run more, sweat it out, pray and smile more. Besides, almost everyone has some form of depression at least once in their lives. A bad phase where everything just isn't going well or you experienced something traumatic.

I love Lady Gaga's "Brown Eyes".

No comments: