Monday, January 12, 2009

Dear dairy Diary

I'm still awake! Wonder why? Well, one of the causes was the fact that I woke up at 4P.M yesterday. Wasted the whole day and went to bed at 12A.M. Listened to my Ipod Shuffle for 3 hours, singing and singing. Having many random thoughts, too fast for words. Jumping here and there, I couldn't understand myself.

I wanted to write an emo post, then again... the response wouldn't be worth it. People fighting every opinion you innocently write on your blog. So I wrote it in my very personal diary, no one has ever read it. At least no one I know of. How can we possibly pour our hearts out knowing we'd be dissed at.

i thought of privatizing my blog, but that wouldn't be fun. I don't blog for fame, by the way. This little webbie of mine is like my escape. My escape from family, school (last time), the past. I would want to be famous, of course, as a person... not my blog. It would most certainly rob me of my personality. If you had thousands of hits each day, you would think twice about publishing your true thoughts.

You might even alter it. That would destroy the purpose of blogging. I personally don't like reading blogs, especially popular ones. What for? It's all for entertainment. I only read those that I geniunely care for, my group of friends, the people I mix with. That is why I would try contain my hits and somewhat maintain it.

I don't want it to exceed 300 or drop below 100. Honestly, I got really scared. When I started mixing with a few popular bloggers, views immediately flew up from 80 to 260. I totally FREAKED out, "Holy crap, so many people are reading my blog. What am I to do?!" I lessened it by posting boring entries. I delayed publishing events.

I do hope they feel my sincerity that I did not befriend for their fame. I didn't even know who they were, much less have read their blogs. I started only after I met them. The best thing I got out from this whole blogging experience is definitely the friends that i have made. Not the parties or freebies (they were an awesome bonus though), the release I got from blogging helped me in so many ways.

I just hate it when my mom says blogging is useless. That I spend too much time on it and I don't make money from it. Aren't the best things in life free? Must you be so money-minded all the time? As long as i have my say, I appreciate my life, my blog and my thoughts in it.

How can anyone have respect for people chasing after fame yet loses their own soul? You must be careful of what you do, you might get what you want and regret it later when negative feedback starts coming in. No one can satisfy the world's expectation, no one can please everyone, if not, world peace would be a reality rather than a phrase written on banners and key chains.

Mm-hmm, I started having these thoughts after visiting some hate websites. People are so persistent in hating someone, they make themselves mad at that person, noticing every flaw and zooming in on their mistakes, telling the whole world wide web about it to humiliate them. It got me really sad.

They could of put all that energy into better use. Like baking cookies for the poor! Or, or spreading love and optimism around. It's depressing that gossip forums and hate websites are viewed more than the opposite.

So many things making me depressed. I think I have lost 90% of my optimism, am I turning pessimistic? I sure am! This whole earth is headed for DOOM! The sky is ever so gloomy, the moon so bloody, the people so evil... we're all gonna die.


Ignore me for a while. Hope you didn't read this post. Just really needed to voice it out. You can't feel the kick if you saved it as draft.


Myhorng said...

no comment cos it is not suppose to be read.

Missyve said...

LOL, thanks for commenting about nothing!