Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Whines

agh... Why why why do I always. WHY!?!?!

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I AM INCAPABLE OF EXPRESSING THE REGRETS AND FRUSTRATIONS THAT I HAVE IN ME NOW.
I don't know. Why do I feel like this every semester. Every time... I think about Marsiling. I think about my 'past life'. I regret wondering what I could of become and accomplished. I beg for a time-machine so that I could replace that young, foolish, rebellious girl and worked everything out. Get good grades, maintain popularity, set an example which influenced positively. I keep UGHWJAJWRG, thinking about thisss and what i shouldn't have done. YOU WON'T GET IT!!!


I should forget about it. Forget it all. W%I&^%$#%@#!#$%^%&*^()*&&%#@$%$#^*&(^)*^^%$
If only I wasn't so stupid. What problems did I have that time anyway? Nothing! Besides insomnia... nothing else was a problem. I liked school and studies.
I think it was the people. Yeah, some people disliked me for no reason.

THEY DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ME FOR FIG'S SAKE. Problems with some girls that time. If I were in that position 2 years ago, i would of wisely complained to the Discipling Master - Mr.Tay. Done, and study and have fun and make friends.

One vital mistake. Mixing with the wrong people. It ruined me! At least I had the strength to leave them in the end. Cutting down my contact with them... I just sooo wanna go back to Marsiling... 1M3, Ms.Ng =/

Occasionally I dream about the school too. It's THAT bad. How I wished i could of undone everything. I think it happened this way for the better too. I would of been badly influenced if I remained there. But if I had the will, i could of stayed the same! That's hardly the case in public high schools though. Dammit.


$#%$#^%UIR^&E^WY%ET$WYE%S^IRT&O*R&EI^URA%EY$YUYTIRE&W^Q%YE$T#QT^$Y%U^I&O*

I have got to stop feeling remorseful about this, I have got to MOVE ON for once.
Quit 2006, it was a stupid year. It's such a dumb year. I hatee that year. It was that year that caused me to be where I am now.

I should be happy. I'm in a good, Christian, American-syllabus, home-schooling system center. I ought to be content and thrive for my future then glooming over what happened.

Concentrate. Future. Study. Hard. Endeavors. Successful. Love. Love. Friends. GOD. Life. Calling.

*screams* GAH! When can I let go?! NO! When will somebody invent the bloody time machine?! If cloning is possible, what isn't?! fi9w4949303nfndkdkiie302ithnlsg02i8y

*sucks thumb* It's 0250 now. I should go to bed. I should of done my homework than sat here whining and complaining about my foolish actions which so many people advised me not to. You see. Everything I do, I end up regretting.

ALWAYS!

I need therapy :[ You know, it's just this sad feeling in your gut. Regret is heavy on the chest and this stupid feeling of remorse in your stomach. You just wanna blabber nonsense to let it out but it won't go away.

So many times I have felt this way. I kept silent. I stared at my ex-class' blog and wished my name was on that classroom list. I wondered if it would of worked out better if I remained in MSL. I have the whole year of sec 1 books in J.B. Untouched, unread. Obsolete. I will read all of them one day. Perhaps in my holidays.

Maybe I shouldn't enjoy my holidays. Maybe I should take some time to discover and sort myself. I need to. Release.


Freak. I shouldn't even be HERE! I should be way over THERE! In TORONTO! Having loads of Caucasian and African-American FRIENDS! I wouldn't care if I wasn't popular in my high school. Boohoooo.

I can't stop whining and complaining and typing and feeling so down right STUPID! I was supposed to stop a paragraph ago. And before that 2 paragraphs ago. I should stop. Stop.


I wrote a lot of: should, would, could, shouldn't, regret....

Stop. I'm annoying myself now! Stop.

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