Tuesday, July 15, 2008

20 funny secrets from a stay-at-home mom

This is something rather random, and since it's very common in America to be stay-at-home moms, I decided to post this out on what I read from Canadian Living. I always had a high expectation of my mom as she of me. I want her to be the perfect mother... cook me lunch/dinner, pack breakfast for me to go to school, do the chores... you know.

But that isn't really the case. She watches T.V, sweeps every week, (at times) make me late for school, doesn't check/push me on my schoolwork. Although I do appreciate her driving me around/picking me up, making breakfast for me and cooking dinner even when it taste... not so good.

I bet you didn't know! Now, I dream that when I grow up. I'll be totally like the American housewives. Baking! Attending school events! Reading bed-time stories to my children/foster children. (I'll hire a maid for the cooking and cleaning, I don't do those.) It's just so unlike me though.

By Kathy Buckworth

20 funny secrets from a stay-at-home mom

1. The title "stay at home" is a passive-aggressive term. There is nothing flattering, glamorous or remotely attractive about the word "stay." "Too Much Woman to Be Confined to a Cubicle Farm" works better.

2. Apparently, you are expected to be "at home" for some parts of the day; particularly those parts when children under the age of 12 are in your care.

3. Repairmen are not sexy in any way.

4. Nothing very exciting happens. But you need to talk, so the best entertainment is gossip and backstabbing. It is unavoidable and addictive.

5. People will say, "Well, its not like you're working or anything" just moments before they
a) sign you up for lame volunteer duties at your child's school,
b) dump their own brats on your doorstep, or
c) redirect all their home deliveries to your front door (even the fertilizer order).

6. Cleaning the house is not a problem, keeping it clean is. If the house is as clean at the end of the day as it was when you started, you win.

7. You cannot be late for anything, or with anything. You have nothing else to do.

8. Your perceived intelligence drops by at least 50 IQ points. You may have run the computer science department at MIT before you decided to stay at home, but two weeks into the new job and your kids will be asking Dad for help on the family computer.

9. You have no excuse for not exercising.

10. You have no excuse for not eating a healthy lunch.

11. You can be truly bored at the same time you are acknowledging that you could be exercising, cleaning the house or watching someone else's kids.

12. The minute you resign form your old position, they promote it to a higher level, increase the salary and bestow a fabulous new title on that bitch who took over from you.

13. Your husband either a) shirks all domestic duty, which makes you mad, or b) doesn't shirk any, making you feel guilty.

14. Your children expect you to be at their beck and call. Even in the middle of an emergency manicure, one is expected to drop everything and rush to the school over a perceived "sore stomach."

15. You now have time to launder the sheets.

16. Even after 5 p.m., drinking with only children in the house is still considered to be "drinking alone." What, you had a hard day or something?

17. Your children are no better behaved simply because you're the primary caregiver now. In fact, most often, they're worse.

18. If you dress nicely, neighbors are suspicious. If you dress like a slob, you've let yourself go. If you dress too old, you're middle-aged before your time. If you dress too young, you're a slut.

19. Teachers expect you to be on top of the notes they send home.

20. You're not supposed to be too tired for sex anymore.

~ ~

If that's so, I think I'll get a part-time job then. I really reaally wanna own my dream house! It's not like a mansion or anything, it's something like a villa with friendly neighbors... 'Desperate Housewife style'. A backyard with a garden in front, I'll have fences around it... plant tomatoes, cherries and daisies! Dandelions especially! Grow an apple tree which would last for generations after generations. Learn sewing and knitting... it's just totally the perfect life. *dreams away*

Snap outta it Zoe! Let's see what'll happen.

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