Thursday, March 27, 2008

Gone Baby Gone

Yup that's ME! i put it as my MSN's Display Picture. Soo many people asking, " Is that YOU?!"
I, obviously, wanted to reply ,"Are you RETARDED?!" I wouldn't put someone's else photo unless i was blackmailing the person or something. Know?

It was when i was four years old i think. Yeah, my mommy suddenly dressed me up and brought me to a shopping mall. And i thought, " Why am i wearing a dress just to go shopping?" So i asked mom where we were going, when we were heading towards a dark room in the end of the HUGE shopping mall at the wall. She just smiled, signaled me that I'll know soon, and continue holding my hands into the room. And i saw a dark room, with a dozen of teddy bears sitting on one "couch" and a man standing behind this LONG camera. And my mom seated me down to a chair or something, and she was having a chat with the photographer ( it's not pronounced as photo-grapher, noobs). Suddenly, they asked me to smile, and i was wondering what on earth were they doing. So i gave a blur face, and think i wanted to cry. So the cameraman told me to go over to where he was at, and calmly told me it was nothing and asked me to look through the hole.

I did. There was nothing, just a black hole, nothing to see. I was like, what on earth was he looking into then. Now i finally realized, he must of closed the lens with the cap. Idiot. I went back, took a few shots. They kept asking me to look AT the camera, since i was looking around AND smiling. Hahaha, funny. So here it is. This beautiful picture of my past, when i was just an innocent baby. And it makes me wanna mourn. Why couldn't I stay there, why did i come back. Damn, but hey, if i didn't immigrate, i probably wouldn't have accepted Christ right? Oh, and after smiling barely, i looked at the lifeless teddy bears, i didn't want it. But just stared at it for awhile, but the photographer thought i wanted to carry one. So asked me to pick any one i like to take a picture with it. I carefully selected the small ones, i found the others ugly. Then my mom came over and asked me to hug the big one as well. She was so excited that it was cute. Hahaha.

I was having a hard time holding onto both of them, the big one was heavy. Ugh. And after we left. And i was totally confused about what happen.

I DO! I do miss Canada, I'd do anything to have a great life over there again, anything to go back there, make friends there, study there and just have a wonderful blast. Hmmm, this is life, i guess? *laughs* I am not content of my life over here, i think... MAYBE, just maybe.... i could of done better grades in Canada. Perhaps? gee. grr, nothing can explain what i'm feeling inside except for regrets.

Danielle said i look like a mix, LOL. While the others said i was cute and looked VERY different. Okay, WHATEVER. lol!

Wish i stayed that age forever, with that cute little face. And i plan on having that same hairstyle i had a decade ago next year. Once i have longer hair, and grow back my volume. Used to have REALLY thick hair, till i cut it thin like scraps.

Oh well.

Everything's gone, baby... gone.

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