Monday, February 16, 2015

Faint Acquaintance

Why do you feign fondness?
You did not have to pretend like it was anything but a one night stand.
Yet, it seems, out of apparent courtesy, you handed your phone to me.

I thought you wanted more.
But you didn't.

Was it because we had sex?

Why are undeniable connections made when it was meaningless to at least one party?
 Because we had sex?

You try to feign a friendship when there was no interest even in the beginning.
No, we are not friends, nor romantic partners, nor, nor...

Those actions revealed your apparent childishness.

Because we had sex. 
You felt like we needed to stay in contact.
However, you made no effort to communicate.

No bother was needed.

I am an adult. I am a woman.
Fully experienced with the pains of rebuffed affection.
From family, friends, and love interests.

You are but a stone to the canon balls I have received.

So long, sucker.
I will remember you.
Only because we had sex. 

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Dating You

Dating you was heaven. 
Dating you was guilty.
Dating you was marvellous.
Dating you was bliss. 

I could never have for the life of me think I would have done what I had done.

But given the chance to turn time... I would still do it again. 


Seeing how I hate you so. 


Seeing how we saw each other three times more. 

Sex: six times in total. 

Sweet to one another like snuggly puppies.

Awful that I have to be so mean to you. Knowing that you do not care, have not changed, would not retaliate. 

Cowardly, insecure, and needy. 
Narcissist, psychopathic, deceitful.

Why? I beg you, why?
Somewhere in that gentle brushing of my back and post-coital night-long embrace, I thought you'd have a soul. Not just for yourself but a conscience for others. 
The soft hugs and hug thrusts implied you truly love.
Not me but someone other than yourself, at least.

A good thing was ruined--by your nature--of dishonesty and cock. 

I so very much want to see how you will live on. Leading on, beginning, nodding, bowing, lying, lying, lying...

My baby boot,
You will always answer the call. 

Being together is incredulously silly. 
Sillily fulfilling. Sillily romantic. Sillily rewarding. 

For a moment. A very, very short moment. 

We can't be but we are. 
Not more anymore.

That is good enough. 

This is good enough. 


P.S. Maybe I still love you. Trash. I always hoard them for awhile.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Depression Is

Wanting to be dead because it takes so much out of you to be alive.

Thinking about death almost every night because you believe it'd be so nice to sleep forever. 

Wanting to die but too afraid of the afterlife. 

Fatigue, fatigue, fatigue. 

Needing antidepressants.

Not taking antidepressants due to fear of serotonin depletion.

Overeating for energy.

Eating for happiness. 

Almost giving up everyday.

Wanting to call in sick for work every time.

Feeling useless but trying to be of some good.

Not ideal.

Not exclusive. 

Not fun.

Not helpful. 


Part of life.

A human condition. 

A living condition.

An involuntary lifestyle.

An unwanted mental state.

A symptom.

A precursor.


Sunday, November 30, 2014

Pro-familial Christmas Party

Hey everyone,

Great news. Don't wanna jinx it. But I really, really love my workplace right now. I'll explain in another post why the previous sucked hard floors (we all know vacuuming works best for carpets!). 

Wow. Food.

Figure out the series of pictures yourself.

Wow. I love cake. That was red velvet, by the way. Perfect consolation for when Tim Horton's ran out the "NEW" red velvet cookies when I wanted them at 1 a.m. the previous night. 

Suckers. I don't need them. I have the red velvet cake my boss bought.

It shouldn't be called booze but rather yayze!❤️❤️❤️!❤️❤️❤️
I'm calling it yayze from now on. 
"Don't worry, homies. I'll get the yayze."

Beautiful Christmas tree! *jealous*

Sisters from another store--wait, if the stores are sisters then we should be cousins. 

It is wise to honour those who deserve respect. You included. Honour your word.
These statues are beautiful. I realized my boss has amazing taste in everything.

Sparkly, lit-up gift boxes! SO PRETTY. *squeals* 

"You don't know how to take a selfie..." I said while frowning. 
It's okay, he may be a mechanical man but not a photographic one. 
We still love yew. Yews are good. 

I friggin' love the gift I stole from the driver. A David's Tea tea set! The crazy coincidence is that when the driver picked another gift from the stash, HE GOT THE EXACT SAME THING but it was stolen again. Crappy for him, man. But I'm relieved no one stole from me. 

I'm definitely going to give it my all. 

It has been one of the greatest pleasures in my working experience to be here. 

To two more years! (I know I've only just started.)

Thank you, thank you, thank you, S and M. 
Nothing makes me happier than seeing good people like the both of you with blessed lives.